existing in the margins

I found a new comic this evening..someone who I didnt know existed. Hannah Gadsby...She was on seth myers tonight and I laughed hard enough to need a new a depends...I guess she has been around for quite a few years unbeknownst to me.I miss so much without cable.Anyways I had to look her up on the internet and I came across this short little article on her show "Nannette"

THINK

There's a moment in Hannah Gadsby's new stand-up special Nanette that will stay with you long after the hour-long show. It comes just before the 20-minute mark when Gadsby reveals she's planning to quit comedy.

The Australian comic has been in the game for more than a decade, sharing her insights on the world as a tired, quiet lesbian, who is occasionally mistaken for a man. Her observations are searing, scathing and very, very funny. They are also frequently self-deprecating, which is fine when, like the majority of comedians, you're a straight, white male.

But Gadsby isn't. And neither are the people who identify with her or her comedy.

"Do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists on the margins? It's not humility. It's humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak. And I simply will not do that anymore."

It's an epiphany that has changed Gadsby's life – and will go on to affect thousands more as they share this excellent, insightful and thoroughly thought-provoking comedy special.

Stream it immediately on Netflix.

That Quote caught me off guard and really made me think...its a heavy thing to realize about yourself, how you treat yourself and how I recognized myself in it.

"....living in the margins" I can really relate to that. How often I think about my life and how little I seem to matter to anyone, anyone outside of my partner in life. No friends, not gay or straight, no family, just my animals that give me unconditional love. I  thought about the people I use  to communicate with online..for years and years some of them, them knowingly my sexuality, my sarcastic  humor (self deprecating at times)  ..and that was perhaps my wanting to be heard..wanting to be part of "them"....Its funny now because I want no part of "them"..I've learned how they talk behind your back, how they say one thing to your face and another to everyone else when your not around, mostly because I'm different..a lesbian.fear what you don't understand...I don't fit in to their group..their religion..whatever, but finally I did not need them anymore, my sense of self was enough to sustain me living in the margins, it's quiet here.

Its so complicated..

How sad to hear about all these suicides happening..but sometimes I can surely understand it in a way..I read the news and its gotten so depressing. I think to myself I might have lived too long.The changes I see,the future I predict, hard to find cheerfulness and hope in that. But taking your life, I just can't see how bad it has to be to do that.Why do we cling to life?What makes us have hope for tommorrow? What makes life worth living? There must be something that gets us though the day.I cannot fathom the desperateness of being in a place that is so devoid of hope that the only answer is taking your life.Life..its so complicated.

I've often wondered who ate the lonely turnip raw like I do.After all rarely do I run into anyone who knows what a turnip is, least alone the young checker at my local grocery store. " No, its not a beet, it's a turnip" I tell her as she looks up the number to punch in off her vegetable chart. Do these young people even know what a vegetables are I wonder ? Do they even  cook? I don't recall the first time I ate a raw turnip. I do remember my grandmother cooking them in a pot with bacon drippings and I loved them. Once my ex husband told me a story about him going AWOL in Germany and hitching a ride on a turnip truck and eating them raw...perhaps that's where I got the idea to try them that way.....so I guess the old saying has merit,"... fall off the turnip truck"....
Sometimes I get a hankering for a raw vegetable bite of some kind, usually late at nite. Its like my body is screaming " put some real healthy food that makes that crisp veggie sound !". I've tried carrots, (they always seem to taste moldy to me) , celery (those strings can really get stuck in between your teeth) plus have no flavor, and radishes (my second favorite raw veggie). But you can't beat a good turnip in my opinion. There they are, perfectly sized for your hand to clasp, not as spicy as a large radish but still retains that slight taste of a radish. Peeled or not peeled, easy to clean and definately has a satisfying crunch. What more could you ask for?